So Matt got a new job here in the city, which means he might be moving into a new condo, which means that I might be out of this hell hole as early as June. AH.
But on another note, I got an offer to go to L.A. in June for 7 months. I won't say for what just yet, but it's something I'm considering.
But, alas, here stand my problems:
1. I need to break my lease.
2. I need to break my lease.
If I can find some way around it, or out of it, then I might just be premature and say I'm going to L.A.!
So here is how the plan is going into motion.
My roomie said she can't afford it on her own so the threat to kick me out doesn't stand, so I'm fucked. I arranged a secret meeting with my realtor/landlord to ask him to let us out of the lease at 6 months. I will be paying for an extra money of not even being here, but who cares. That's about 4 months to find new tenants, and if not, for him to let me sublet my room. That way, she might not even want a new roomie and she would just pay for it all herself.
But in case that backfires, my roomie has been seeing this new guy and he's fucking old, but wants to get married desperately, at his mom's wishes. I found this all out via Rhi, who is her closest confidant. Originally, we thought we were fucked, but now, after she told him that her new man might be 'the one', we're back on track. Rhi and I spent at least an hour egg-ing her on and telling her he's the one and what not. If we can get them engaged or married, I'd have no choice but to move out or we could find new tenants to assign our lease.
Rhi and I have joined forces (even though we're best friends) on our biggest mission ever.
We have 94 days to get them engaged, and get me out of my damn lease.
Either that, or tell her about my offer and that she has three choices:
1. Let me out of the lease.
2. Let me sublet.
3. Help me help us get us out of the lease. (and she can move in her with 'man')
Other than that, B is on his way back from Europe, and Shawn and I have been talking but nothing special. Haven't even talked with Adriano.
But I'm too focused on my new task and finishing this school term off before guys!
So, I'm not saying this will happen and it's gonna be hella-crazy to find out what does. But it's a nice thought that I might be living in the Hills in 3 months.
Wednesday, February 28, 2007
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
Touch Me In The Morning...
Hey y'all,
Just a quick note while I have a second.
I talked to B for about 2 hours last night. I told him exactly what went down and I didn't want to invade in her personal space.
About two weeks ago, I had secretly found out that B and I have mutual friends. So the short of the long of it is that I secretly tried to find out information about him and see what his deal was.
Needless to say, the plan backfired, and he found out. So I had some 'splain' to do.
In the end, B asked me out and wanted us to be upfront with each other. He's not looking for a relationship, and I doubt I'd fool around with him otherwise. So we'll have to see what happens next.
On a bright note, I had an amazing conversation with Matt after we finally got to sit down and talk to each other. I'm pretty sure I offered my hand in marriage, but we'll be divorced by the weekend. You know how it goes.
Alright, just thought I'd let you guys know.
P.S. Shawn sent me a txt message Night before he went to bed. What-the-fuck.
Just a quick note while I have a second.
I talked to B for about 2 hours last night. I told him exactly what went down and I didn't want to invade in her personal space.
About two weeks ago, I had secretly found out that B and I have mutual friends. So the short of the long of it is that I secretly tried to find out information about him and see what his deal was.
Needless to say, the plan backfired, and he found out. So I had some 'splain' to do.
In the end, B asked me out and wanted us to be upfront with each other. He's not looking for a relationship, and I doubt I'd fool around with him otherwise. So we'll have to see what happens next.
On a bright note, I had an amazing conversation with Matt after we finally got to sit down and talk to each other. I'm pretty sure I offered my hand in marriage, but we'll be divorced by the weekend. You know how it goes.
Alright, just thought I'd let you guys know.
P.S. Shawn sent me a txt message Night before he went to bed. What-the-fuck.
Monday, February 26, 2007
Elegiac
This morning was unlike any other.
I got a txt message, however, from some weird guy I've been talking to online. I must say...It was awkward.
Hey, I'm only so lucky to have someone like you interested in me.
That aside, nothing eventful happened. I got a txt from Shawn:
Someone's quiet today.
And then I finally managed to talk to him online. And, like predicted. This thing was over before it started. Apparently, he loves hanging out with me but can't get over the fact that I fooled around with his ex.
I knew that trying to convince him was useless. And I am not in the business of convincing people. He either wanted to be with me or not. If I can deal with the fact that he dated a guy who once upon a time made me feel so used and like an object, then he can deal with that other fact.
I couldn't tell: was it an excuse not to date me or was he being geniune? Was that his way of what I do to not get close to a guy that could make my life amazing? So many questions and it hurt me to think that my truth shot me in my own foot. Fuck sakes.
Besides, it was about me and Shawn, not me and his ex. I'm not gonna lie, it was a bit sad. Nothing has been quite the same for a while now, since I moved in with the crazy heifer actually. Was her unbalanced lifestyle affecting mine? Why does it even fucking matter?
Now the only guy to let me down next is B, though he won't be back for another week, so our story will have to wait.
But oh well, you win some, you lose most.
I got a txt message, however, from some weird guy I've been talking to online. I must say...It was awkward.
Hey, I'm only so lucky to have someone like you interested in me.
That aside, nothing eventful happened. I got a txt from Shawn:
Someone's quiet today.
And then I finally managed to talk to him online. And, like predicted. This thing was over before it started. Apparently, he loves hanging out with me but can't get over the fact that I fooled around with his ex.
I knew that trying to convince him was useless. And I am not in the business of convincing people. He either wanted to be with me or not. If I can deal with the fact that he dated a guy who once upon a time made me feel so used and like an object, then he can deal with that other fact.
I couldn't tell: was it an excuse not to date me or was he being geniune? Was that his way of what I do to not get close to a guy that could make my life amazing? So many questions and it hurt me to think that my truth shot me in my own foot. Fuck sakes.
Besides, it was about me and Shawn, not me and his ex. I'm not gonna lie, it was a bit sad. Nothing has been quite the same for a while now, since I moved in with the crazy heifer actually. Was her unbalanced lifestyle affecting mine? Why does it even fucking matter?
Now the only guy to let me down next is B, though he won't be back for another week, so our story will have to wait.
But oh well, you win some, you lose most.
Love Hangover
Sunday morning was the worst. I woke up feeling like a piece of shit and I was pissed at my roomie for the crap she said about me.
At exactly 10:33 AM, she left for a business trip. I had one week to figure out what I was going to do, and how I was going to get there. I didn't even get a txt message from Shawn.
The rest of the day was my recovery. No matter how hard I try, I just can't shake the feeling that that I'm just being pure sadiddy sometimes.
Nikki called me and asked if I wanted to go to Yorkdale. Since I had nothing to do, and I was feeling iffy, I knew she would totally make me feel better.
After a day of shopping, with no results, and a cute lunch at Moxie's, Nikki, her sister, and Ryan really made me feel better.
During my little excursion, I got a call from Adriano wanting to hang out. Now this is a guy I have been going back and forth with since God knows when. After mulling over the idea, we made plans.
I took a little nap when I got home, from which Adriano woke me up, and we decided to go to a comedy show downtown on Queen West. Unlike the other times I had hung out with me, I was not nervous at all. I didn't even want to go. So as I struggled to get ready and leave my house, I took a quick look in the mirror: How the hell was I? The old me wouldn't even waste my time.
I hate the fact that I know I shouldn't feel like this, and that guys shouldn't matter as much. And I even hate myself for saying this, but I felt a little lonely. But Adriano was waiting.
The weather was nasty, first off. And I had nothing but a tiny coat on and some very thin shoes. I was pissed already.
Five dollars and one long hour later, the show was over. And I was about ready to slap someone. It was sooooooo BAD! Some cute parts, but for the most part, NO DICE!
A short streetcar ride later, we were at Franz's diner. Luckily the Oscars were on. I didn't get anything, but it was fun just watching a good show, for once.
As I got up to go to the washroom, I got a call from Johnny. As I took the call in the washroom lobby, and although he was drunk, it was like a total sign. It was fun to know that someone, somewhere...that sometime, it was good.
And as I got home that night, I knew it would be good again.
At exactly 10:33 AM, she left for a business trip. I had one week to figure out what I was going to do, and how I was going to get there. I didn't even get a txt message from Shawn.
The rest of the day was my recovery. No matter how hard I try, I just can't shake the feeling that that I'm just being pure sadiddy sometimes.
Nikki called me and asked if I wanted to go to Yorkdale. Since I had nothing to do, and I was feeling iffy, I knew she would totally make me feel better.
After a day of shopping, with no results, and a cute lunch at Moxie's, Nikki, her sister, and Ryan really made me feel better.
During my little excursion, I got a call from Adriano wanting to hang out. Now this is a guy I have been going back and forth with since God knows when. After mulling over the idea, we made plans.
I took a little nap when I got home, from which Adriano woke me up, and we decided to go to a comedy show downtown on Queen West. Unlike the other times I had hung out with me, I was not nervous at all. I didn't even want to go. So as I struggled to get ready and leave my house, I took a quick look in the mirror: How the hell was I? The old me wouldn't even waste my time.
I hate the fact that I know I shouldn't feel like this, and that guys shouldn't matter as much. And I even hate myself for saying this, but I felt a little lonely. But Adriano was waiting.
The weather was nasty, first off. And I had nothing but a tiny coat on and some very thin shoes. I was pissed already.
Five dollars and one long hour later, the show was over. And I was about ready to slap someone. It was sooooooo BAD! Some cute parts, but for the most part, NO DICE!
A short streetcar ride later, we were at Franz's diner. Luckily the Oscars were on. I didn't get anything, but it was fun just watching a good show, for once.
As I got up to go to the washroom, I got a call from Johnny. As I took the call in the washroom lobby, and although he was drunk, it was like a total sign. It was fun to know that someone, somewhere...that sometime, it was good.
And as I got home that night, I knew it would be good again.
Saturday Night Divas
So after I tutored, I was tired as hell from the night before with Shawn. All I wanted to do was get home and get some sleep...and maybe a shower.
So I decided to go to Chinatown first and get these delicious Dim Sum custard buns (to all...Kim Moon Bakery on Dundas @ Spadina..HEAVEN).
Finally getting home at about 4 PM, I immediately changed my clothes and hoped onto the couch before my best came over. My roommate and he were going to see the Chantal concert at Massey Hall, and I had to admit I was slightly jealous.
Let me explain my roommate to you: late twenties, just got out of a ten year relationship that ended badly, and is trying to loose weight. A complete physical and emotional mess, I moved in with a complete slob and a total train wreck. But I love her. And I don't even know why because sometimes I doubt she feels the same way about me. We've been having many problems lately, especially with her cat that she promised she would get rid off and our lease clearly forbids. She's one of those people who think they are always ALWAYS the victim. So it's ever so hard to get through to them. So needless to say, it's a HUGE challenge. That girl got some issues.
Anyway, I was feeling completely drained from my roommate stress, school work, job stuff, and of course, the fact that I had met this great guy but I had already fooled around with his ex. It was all very much on my mind.
As the night went on, and I kept falling asleep and waking up, it was time to get ready. Shawn was supposed to be at Buddies that night, but in between our 100 or so txt messages, we decided that if we were both gonna be there, we would just run into each other. I couldn't risk it, so I put on the best outfit I had and went for it.
Nom was late as per usual. I couldn’t wait any longer. With my Vod-Ginger Ale in one water bottle, and ready to go, she called me to meet her at the station and bring her some "juice." I hated when she did this. Was 15 mins late and didn't even bother to call me. Schedules people, SCHEDULES!
When I finally got to the station, it was all good. I told her about some rooomie probs and she was giving me advice, and then I realized she didn't have any chaser. So naturally, I had to bust my ass off at a stop and run out to the top platform to get her some apple juice. It was fucking annoying.
We finally managed to make it to Buddies only to realize my best was not there. What the fuck, I thought as we waited outside for his ass for what seemed like fifteen minutes. It was here when I found out Nom had no money, as per usual, and said Rhi would cover her. Something he told me he found annoying when we all went out on Thursday night.
When Rhi finally arrived, we hurried into the club. As we were paying cover, he handed me sixty dollars in front of Nom. It was "Kill the cat" cash because my roomie said that if I wanted it out so bad, I should do it myself.
This is why it's annoying. It's not my cat to kill, nor is it my responsibility. I talked to her two seconds after she dropped Rhi off and she didn't even bother to mention it to me. And Rhi pulled out the cash in front of the broke ass bitch we love, who immediately wanted me to lend her 20 bucks. It's not my money to lend. I told her straight away no deal. I'm not gonna give her cash that's not mine to give. And she got pissed, of course. Started talking smack about how I was being rude and been in such a bad mood these last few days, and I'm hurting people around me. It was all bullshit and she even tried to pull the "I'm going home" bit, which sent me over the edge. Had I REALLY not cared, I would have turned my back, checked my coat, and walked right to the dance floor without her ass. But I'm better than that. After I listened to her go on and on about how it wasn't about the money, we finally moved past it, or so I thought. And Rhi spent the night buying her drinks.
As soon as we turn out onto the dance floor, there he was. Shawn. I saw him but pretended not to see him. It was killer. Up until that point, I was all "que sera, sera" about it, but now after we had spent the last night together, the feelings hit me. But I was already too pissed I just wanted to dance.
After a while, we started texting back and forth to each other and it came out that I was in the club and so was he. So I got the courage to go up and say hello.
"Janet sings it,” I said smiling, responding to his last txt, as I walked up to him. He was dancing with a girl, his best friend's sister.
"You went to my high school" was the first thing that popped out of her mouth. I was wordless.
After making a few minutes of small talk, he seemed very much at a distance to me.
So I made my way back to my girls and told them straight away.
"It's not meant to be. It's too written in the stars."
The irony of Rhi's words haunted me. The irony of something being written in the stars was actually working against me. Was it fate that we were not meant to be? We were already so connected, how could it possibly work against me?
I made my way to a little corner to txt Tina. She was always there and we somehow always seemed to be on the same emotional level. I stayed there for 20 mins. It's like I went into hiding and didn't want to come back out.
I had run away back home for a few days, but it seems like that didn't solve my problems, and they just kept coming back.
Nom had left by this point, and Shawn txted me that he was leaving and wanted to say bye. I barely got anything from him. Hell, even the high school chick gave me a kiss on the cheek. It was getting to me. BIG TIME.
Shortly afterwards, Rhi and I opted to leave. We were sick of buddies, sick of men, sick of it all.
On the subway ride home, Rhi confessed that my roomie was talking shit to him about me again. We had gone through this once before and it seemed she still hadn't learned her lessons. Apparently, she was annoyed that she felt her furniture was being used, as well as her utensils and that if my friends want to say over...get this…maybe they should sleep on the floor. She fails to realize that this is half my apartment too, and only because I let her is her stuff all over the place. It was either get rid of it or have none of mine.
Things are getting shaky again, and I have no idea what's going to happen. As I walked out of the station, I felt a small tear come to my face. I can't help but think I made all the wrong choices. I told Shawn the truth and now things are weird. I moved out with a psycho I thought I could change, and now she wants me out if I don't change.
I don't know what to think or what to do. I felt nothing but emptiness.
Rhi never did get his money from Nom.
So I decided to go to Chinatown first and get these delicious Dim Sum custard buns (to all...Kim Moon Bakery on Dundas @ Spadina..HEAVEN).
Finally getting home at about 4 PM, I immediately changed my clothes and hoped onto the couch before my best came over. My roommate and he were going to see the Chantal concert at Massey Hall, and I had to admit I was slightly jealous.
Let me explain my roommate to you: late twenties, just got out of a ten year relationship that ended badly, and is trying to loose weight. A complete physical and emotional mess, I moved in with a complete slob and a total train wreck. But I love her. And I don't even know why because sometimes I doubt she feels the same way about me. We've been having many problems lately, especially with her cat that she promised she would get rid off and our lease clearly forbids. She's one of those people who think they are always ALWAYS the victim. So it's ever so hard to get through to them. So needless to say, it's a HUGE challenge. That girl got some issues.
Anyway, I was feeling completely drained from my roommate stress, school work, job stuff, and of course, the fact that I had met this great guy but I had already fooled around with his ex. It was all very much on my mind.
As the night went on, and I kept falling asleep and waking up, it was time to get ready. Shawn was supposed to be at Buddies that night, but in between our 100 or so txt messages, we decided that if we were both gonna be there, we would just run into each other. I couldn't risk it, so I put on the best outfit I had and went for it.
Nom was late as per usual. I couldn’t wait any longer. With my Vod-Ginger Ale in one water bottle, and ready to go, she called me to meet her at the station and bring her some "juice." I hated when she did this. Was 15 mins late and didn't even bother to call me. Schedules people, SCHEDULES!
When I finally got to the station, it was all good. I told her about some rooomie probs and she was giving me advice, and then I realized she didn't have any chaser. So naturally, I had to bust my ass off at a stop and run out to the top platform to get her some apple juice. It was fucking annoying.
We finally managed to make it to Buddies only to realize my best was not there. What the fuck, I thought as we waited outside for his ass for what seemed like fifteen minutes. It was here when I found out Nom had no money, as per usual, and said Rhi would cover her. Something he told me he found annoying when we all went out on Thursday night.
When Rhi finally arrived, we hurried into the club. As we were paying cover, he handed me sixty dollars in front of Nom. It was "Kill the cat" cash because my roomie said that if I wanted it out so bad, I should do it myself.
This is why it's annoying. It's not my cat to kill, nor is it my responsibility. I talked to her two seconds after she dropped Rhi off and she didn't even bother to mention it to me. And Rhi pulled out the cash in front of the broke ass bitch we love, who immediately wanted me to lend her 20 bucks. It's not my money to lend. I told her straight away no deal. I'm not gonna give her cash that's not mine to give. And she got pissed, of course. Started talking smack about how I was being rude and been in such a bad mood these last few days, and I'm hurting people around me. It was all bullshit and she even tried to pull the "I'm going home" bit, which sent me over the edge. Had I REALLY not cared, I would have turned my back, checked my coat, and walked right to the dance floor without her ass. But I'm better than that. After I listened to her go on and on about how it wasn't about the money, we finally moved past it, or so I thought. And Rhi spent the night buying her drinks.
As soon as we turn out onto the dance floor, there he was. Shawn. I saw him but pretended not to see him. It was killer. Up until that point, I was all "que sera, sera" about it, but now after we had spent the last night together, the feelings hit me. But I was already too pissed I just wanted to dance.
After a while, we started texting back and forth to each other and it came out that I was in the club and so was he. So I got the courage to go up and say hello.
"Janet sings it,” I said smiling, responding to his last txt, as I walked up to him. He was dancing with a girl, his best friend's sister.
"You went to my high school" was the first thing that popped out of her mouth. I was wordless.
After making a few minutes of small talk, he seemed very much at a distance to me.
So I made my way back to my girls and told them straight away.
"It's not meant to be. It's too written in the stars."
The irony of Rhi's words haunted me. The irony of something being written in the stars was actually working against me. Was it fate that we were not meant to be? We were already so connected, how could it possibly work against me?
I made my way to a little corner to txt Tina. She was always there and we somehow always seemed to be on the same emotional level. I stayed there for 20 mins. It's like I went into hiding and didn't want to come back out.
I had run away back home for a few days, but it seems like that didn't solve my problems, and they just kept coming back.
Nom had left by this point, and Shawn txted me that he was leaving and wanted to say bye. I barely got anything from him. Hell, even the high school chick gave me a kiss on the cheek. It was getting to me. BIG TIME.
Shortly afterwards, Rhi and I opted to leave. We were sick of buddies, sick of men, sick of it all.
On the subway ride home, Rhi confessed that my roomie was talking shit to him about me again. We had gone through this once before and it seemed she still hadn't learned her lessons. Apparently, she was annoyed that she felt her furniture was being used, as well as her utensils and that if my friends want to say over...get this…maybe they should sleep on the floor. She fails to realize that this is half my apartment too, and only because I let her is her stuff all over the place. It was either get rid of it or have none of mine.
Things are getting shaky again, and I have no idea what's going to happen. As I walked out of the station, I felt a small tear come to my face. I can't help but think I made all the wrong choices. I told Shawn the truth and now things are weird. I moved out with a psycho I thought I could change, and now she wants me out if I don't change.
I don't know what to think or what to do. I felt nothing but emptiness.
Rhi never did get his money from Nom.
The X-Files
Last Friday was the first time in a long time that I had two dates back to back...with the SAME guy.
Shawn is great. He really is. When we were at the bar together, it was nice. I was a bit tipsy, so I was worried that I wouldn't find him as hot the second time around.
But as I got off at St. Clair station, and walked to his car. The excitement was exhilarating.
I wasn't nervous, and I wasn't worried. I was me.
As we walked into Blockbuster, it seemed natural for us to be together. As we trailed the aisle for a good movie, I was surprised to how well we got along and how accommodating he was to my needs. And it wasn't even the sexual flirtation. I felt like a teenager again.
After a quick trip to Sobeys, we picked up some pizza, Ginger ale (you know how I do), some chips for me, and M&Ms for him.
Back at his place (which was cute by the way) we watched the Perfect Man and Kinky Boots (both cute), and we talked a bit here and there.
Soon, as if it were natural, we crawled into bed together. After we talked for an hour, we finally started getting down to business. After some kissing, and touching, and what not, we talked some more.
As we got deeper and deeper into conversation, I found out that things might not be all that perfect. Turns out, i fooled around with his ex-boyfriend of two years...two times! And it just wasn't some random: it was pre-cum guy who had tried to fuck me bareback (or so it seemed), and who had spent an insane amount of time wine-ing and dining me. And then never talked to me again (and this happened twice).
This was the make or break point. Sitting there in the dark with him, I grew anxious. The one guy I was actually starting to like and I had already gone and did the nasty with his ex. Mother fucker.
He took me in his arms and told me to relax. It didn't matter to him, I was there with him now.
Soon it was 5:30AM and we were still awake, just talking.
And just like that, we fell asleep. With his damn cats all over me.
I woke up the next morning with his arms around me.
We watched Sister Act 2 and sang together (I know freaky), and after an hour, I started to get ready.
I was late for tutoring so I kissed him goodbye.
We didn't have sex that night. And he paid.
And I hate to say it, but it was kinda hot.
Shawn is great. He really is. When we were at the bar together, it was nice. I was a bit tipsy, so I was worried that I wouldn't find him as hot the second time around.
But as I got off at St. Clair station, and walked to his car. The excitement was exhilarating.
I wasn't nervous, and I wasn't worried. I was me.
As we walked into Blockbuster, it seemed natural for us to be together. As we trailed the aisle for a good movie, I was surprised to how well we got along and how accommodating he was to my needs. And it wasn't even the sexual flirtation. I felt like a teenager again.
After a quick trip to Sobeys, we picked up some pizza, Ginger ale (you know how I do), some chips for me, and M&Ms for him.
Back at his place (which was cute by the way) we watched the Perfect Man and Kinky Boots (both cute), and we talked a bit here and there.
Soon, as if it were natural, we crawled into bed together. After we talked for an hour, we finally started getting down to business. After some kissing, and touching, and what not, we talked some more.
As we got deeper and deeper into conversation, I found out that things might not be all that perfect. Turns out, i fooled around with his ex-boyfriend of two years...two times! And it just wasn't some random: it was pre-cum guy who had tried to fuck me bareback (or so it seemed), and who had spent an insane amount of time wine-ing and dining me. And then never talked to me again (and this happened twice).
This was the make or break point. Sitting there in the dark with him, I grew anxious. The one guy I was actually starting to like and I had already gone and did the nasty with his ex. Mother fucker.
He took me in his arms and told me to relax. It didn't matter to him, I was there with him now.
Soon it was 5:30AM and we were still awake, just talking.
And just like that, we fell asleep. With his damn cats all over me.
I woke up the next morning with his arms around me.
We watched Sister Act 2 and sang together (I know freaky), and after an hour, I started to get ready.
I was late for tutoring so I kissed him goodbye.
We didn't have sex that night. And he paid.
And I hate to say it, but it was kinda hot.
New Beginnings
Hello all!
Firstly, I want to welcome all of you to the blog.
Although there are some blogs out there about just sex. Or just love. Or just fashion. Or just whatever. This is all in one, wham-bam, exposed, stripped. It's Barenaked.
I will be chronicling my life and times as a Torontonian living life as it comes on his own, with my wild friends, hot parties, and, of course, crazy (and I mean C.R.A.Z.Y) roommate.
About me: I'm in my twenties. Wrapping up university. Working. Writing. Fashion-ing. Living.
Well, here goes. Clothing (and emotion) optional.
Firstly, I want to welcome all of you to the blog.
Although there are some blogs out there about just sex. Or just love. Or just fashion. Or just whatever. This is all in one, wham-bam, exposed, stripped. It's Barenaked.
I will be chronicling my life and times as a Torontonian living life as it comes on his own, with my wild friends, hot parties, and, of course, crazy (and I mean C.R.A.Z.Y) roommate.
About me: I'm in my twenties. Wrapping up university. Working. Writing. Fashion-ing. Living.
Well, here goes. Clothing (and emotion) optional.
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